


Still With You

by marmalade (wenxuan)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Death, Open to Interpretation, Sick Character, Soulmates, Step-Brothers, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:29:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wenxuan/pseuds/marmalade
Summary: Everything was for him.For Hyunjin.For the man that he loved.For his soulmate that he couldn’t be with.





	Still With You

Jeongin never believed that those cliche tropes portrayed in movies were anywhere close to reality. The notion of falling for your best friend and getting a happy ending seemed too easy. To him, love should be a challenge that one works for instead of being handed on a silver platter. It was safe to say he was a realist, but in all honesty he did not think of true love to be real, instead, a fictional concept conjured by society. The idea that there was a right person, that everyone had their perfect match, that’s what he calls utter bullshit.

 

He remembered how his parents had told him they were supposedly soulmates. However, not only a few years later, his father would abandon both him and his mother. He had met a younger girl who he said was “prettier than that old hag” in reference to his mother. This was a traumatic event for his mother, she refused to leave the house. Refusing to leave the house would slowly turn to locking herself in her room.

 

***

 

_ At the young age of 8 he was forced to go buy groceries and do house chores all on his own. There was no one to drop him off or pick him up from kindergarten, so he just did not go at all. Everyday on the landline, the school would call. He would bet it was on the matter of his sudden absence. Either way, he was unable to reach the phone as it was too high up on a shelf. Way too tall for the a kid his age to simply grab from. _

 

_ Coughing became a frequently heard sound in his home. His mother never talked to him when he visited her room, only handing him money with one hand and using the other to cover her mouth. Usually the lighting was quite dim in her room, making it hard to see anything. The one time the sun managed to shine in he saw how flower petals decorated the room. Not knowing what it was at the time, he thought it to be beautiful. Yet upon closer inspection he noticed that there were splotches of dark red along with the petals. It was at this moment he realised something terrible was going on with his mother. One of the first things he was taught in school was to call 911 if there was an emergency. His small hands grabbed for his mother’s cell phone that was placed on her night stand. Currently she was sleeping, but he could see the way her chest convulsed as she breathed. _

 

_ His hands shook as he swiped for the emergency call. The dial up sound went on for a few seconds before an operator picked up. _

 

_ “911, what’s your emergency?” _

_ Jeongin was panicking, but tried to explain to the best of his abilities. _

_ “Mommy is coughing flower petals with red.” _

 

_ His lips quivered as he answered the operator, praying that they understood what he was trying to say. The person on the other side made a noise of confirmation before he heard some clicking sounds that he supposed was typing. _

 

_ “We’ve tracked the phone call and are on our way.” _

 

_ There was a click to signify that the call had ended. All he had to do know was wait for the help to arrive. He was growing nervous, his palms were glazed with sweat. What would they do with his mother, would they take her away? His father already left him and he didn’t want his mother to leave as well. He had managed to cope with having one parent gone, although two would be an entirely different story. Jeongin wasn’t sure why, but seeing his mother like this caused him pain as well. How he missed those days she would take him to the park and they would play to his hearts’ content. All those times he whined at her when she did not give in to his demands and buy the toys he wanted. _

 

_ A loud rasp on the door interrupted him from his thoughts. He got up and headed to open it, but there was a loud thud before he even made it to the living room. There were a bunch of guys charging into his mother’s bedroom. They had a gurney with them and soon came out of the room with his mother lying on it. Before he was able to protest someone lifted him off his feet and took him into the back of the ambulance. At this moment he was just relieved that they took him along instead of abandoning him at the house. He hated being alone, the thought of it made him want to throw up. He kept his head down and eyes on the floor the entirety of the ride. _

 

_ When he finally looked up he saw the hospital building up ahead. The vehicle hastily parked and they began to wheel his mother inside, the person still carrying him alongside the gurney. They arrived at a room with a sign that read “ER” and would begin doing a bunch of stuff to his mother. In the car they already placed a mask that covered her nose and mouth. His eyes widened when he saw them pull out a large needle and inserted it in her wrist. Jeongin despised needles, he felt like fainting right then and there. If it weren’t for the comforting whispers of the person holding him he probably would have. _

 

_ The nurse continued to stroke his hair in a gentle manner. She went on to brush away a tear he didn’t even know was falling. He leaned into her despite her being a stranger. Her warmth was very welcoming, so homely that he felt his eyelids becoming heavy. Soon, he could no longer bare to keep his eyes open. He drifted off into the world of sleep. _

 

_ He awoke to an abundance of hushed whispers, he turned back to see the women was still holding him. _

 

_ “You were out for five hours.” _

_ As he was about to answer a yawn interrupted him. _

_ “I have something to tell you.” _

_ Jeongin perked up at this, his curiosity was once again getting the best of him. _

_ “Actually, you’ll just have to see for yourself…” _

 

_ She stood up and set him down to stand on his own. She reached out her hand for him to hold and he gladly took it. He was being led to his mother’s bed, the excitement was getting too be too much. They must have saved her and she was all better, ready to take him home. _

 

_ “Mommy!” Jeongin cried out, but to no avail did he receive an answer back from his mother. _

 

_ What replaced his look of excitement was one of utter confusion. He removed his hand from the other lady’s and with both his tiny hands grasped at one of his mother’s. On contact he could feel that it was drastically low in temperature. Immediately his head snapped back to the nurse who was with him. _

 

_ “Is mommy okay?” _

_ His lips trembled as he said this and he was sniffling in attempt to not shed anymore tears. _

_ “Honey… I don’t know what to tell you…” _

 

_ He knew what those words meant, they meant that now he had no one. His father’s side of the family always showed a disdain for him and his mother. They had looked down on the fact that she was older than him by a few years. Some of them even taking to labeling her as a cougar. His mother always told him that what she shared with his father was true love, but he never believed it. The way he would completely flip out on her if she made even a trivial mistake to swinging his fists at her when she said something he didn’t like. If that was true love, he wanted nothing to do with it. Sure, his father was not the best person, but he provided them with a home and basic necessities. When he brought up how he wanted to get a divorce his mother begged him to stay with her. She did not care about the fact that he no longer loved her, but she still loved him even after seeing the younger women he brought home on a near daily basis. Those times were when she would bring him to the park. She used him as a delusion to tell herself that his father loved her. Though deep inside she was well aware that the only reason he stayed with her as long as he did was because of Jeongin. She just chose not to believe it as Jeongin chose not to believe in true love. _

 

_ “I’m all alone…” He dropped to the ground, his face buried in his knees as he cried harder then he ever had before. The tears ceased to stop and his clothes were becoming damp as he continued to cry. He peeked up slightly upon feeling a hand press softly against his shoulder. The nurse hoisted him up from the ground and into her arms in a warm embrace. _

 

_ He was brought to a small room with a couch and carefully placed onto it. The nurse gave him one last hug, patting his head before bidding him a goodbye. His breaths were still shallow from crying. Though he finally managed to stop, his breathing was not yet steady. Instead of focusing on this he allowed sleep to overtake him. What else was he to do. What else could he do. _

 

_ When he drifted off, he dreamed of a place filled to the brim with fluffy clouds. With each movement he could feel the softness caress his skin. It was a nice moment to take his mind off of the recent events.  _

 

_ The peace did not last for long when a loud crash awoke him. His eyes fluttered open to take in his surroundings. He was wrapped up in a plush blanket, as white, soft and warm as the clouds in his dream. The one cradling him was none other than the nurse from before. Her touches gentle and her words oh so comforting, Jeongin could get used to them. But he knew that he would most likely never see her again after this. He wondered which orphanage he would end up being thrown in. A single tear trickled down his cheek as he remember seeing countless articles on orphanages aligning the living room table. His father would constantly leave those there. At first he had no clue what they were, his curiosity leading him to question his kindergarten teacher. He got his answer as well as a mix of pain and confusion. _

 

_ Out of nowhere the nurse began to rub his back. He found himself leaning into her touch from how soothing it was. He craved those soft motherly touches that the nurse was giving him. For countless months the only contact with his mother was the unintentional brush of their fingers when she handed him money. How he endlessly craved to be engulfed in a familial warmth. His wish was finally being fulfilled. And though a stranger, the way she handled him with such care felt otherwise. Jeongin was all too aware that he was drowning in a sea of bliss that would only be temporary. He would be left alone for real this time. _

 

_ At least he thought that was the case. He was welcomed with a car door opening. The nurse undid the blanket cocoon and propped him up in what seemed to be a booster seat. After buckling all the necessary straps that ensured his safety, the blanket was set on top of him once more. _

 

_ “Mmm… Where we going?” He was genuinely confused. From a young age he was taught not to enter a car with a stranger, but from the way she treated him he was sure she had no ill intentions. _

 

_ “Home, Innie.” She reached over and brushed a few loose strands of hair out of his face. _

 

_ “Don’t have one now.” He crossed his arms under the blanket. Then a question rose to his mind. _

 

_ “How you know my name?” _

 

_ “The papers told me your name, it’s okay to call you Innie, right?” _

 

_ He nodded in response, too tired to respond at this point. Though he already managed to sleep so many times in one day, the comfiness of the blanket was lulling him once more. _

 

_ After that day, he was introduced to his new family that consisted of just the nurse, her husband and their son. Almost instantly, Jeongin became attached to the boy and they were inseparable.  _

 

_ As they grew up together, Jeongin came to realise his feelings but they were feelings he couldn’t act upon. His step-brother would constantly remind him of his crush on a girl from the neighbourhood. Jeongin was the person he always came to when he wanted to vent and he didn’t want to ruin their relationship by confessing. Especially with their situation, had they met normally maybe things could’ve been different. That was just wishful thinking, Jeongin knew it would all end the same no matter what. He would end up alone. _

 

_ Even though it hurt him to see the boy he loved falling head over heels for someone else, Jeongin supported him. It was the least he could do to compensate for his own stupid feelings. All through middle school, his step-brother would pine after the girl and by the time he join him in high school they were together. His girlfriend became the one he confided in, it was evident with Jeongin’s door no longer opening in the middle of the night. He was replaced in every aspect and for once he found himself thankful for being his family. _

 

_ His step-brother still stepped in when he was being picked on. He was the one who managed to get them to leave him alone. It would be idiotic of him to expect anymore, perhaps he just saw it as a brotherly duty. However, it wasn’t too long before he was left behind and his step-brother moved onto college. The bullying began again and he didn’t have the energy to stop it, e became indifferent and apathetic.  _

 

_ True love really didn’t exist, all he got out of his love was pain. And it was all his fault for falling in love. He had thought it was a mere infatuation, but he found himself describing his step-brother as if he were the whole world. _

 

***

 

He grabbed the face mask that had become an accessory to every outfit he wore. It was an opaque black mask, the fabric soft to the touch. It would also serve perfect for the case in where he would have coughed up too much blood along with the petals. Where a white mask would obviously show dark red blood seeping through, the black mask hid everything.

 

It just so happened to match the black suit he would be sporting today. Despite his condition, he wouldn’t miss his brother’s wedding for the world. And it’s not like his brother was aware of his disease, he would prefer to keep it that way. It would surely hurt his brother if he were to not show up without any explanation. He had always talked about how he wanted to get married and exactly how he envisioned his wedding. He never failed to mention to Jeongin that he wanted all his friends and family to attend.

 

Jeongin would make sure to greet the rest of the guys and catch up on some things. He had made the decision to cut everyone off after high school, believing it was for the best. He clung onto the sliver of hope saying that they would forgive him. Perhaps he was asking for too much if he said he wanted them to treat him like old times. To treat him like their youngest brother, to baby him and sometimes tease him. Although, that would be asking for too much.

 

Man it had been so long since he drove his car. He no longer felt the need to go places and instead remained confined to his house. Groceries and all other necessities were ordered online and delivered. He already knew that he was dying so why expel more energy in doing useless tasks that could be avoided. Plus if he began a coughing fit he would not want to be in the middle of shopping while doing so. He absolutely despised the looks of pity he received and the people who attempted to sympathise with him. To prevent those situations, he just stopped going outside completely.

 

For his brother though, he would go to the ends of the Earth to see him happy. They would facetime once in awhile and those were the moments that Jeongin would forever cherish. Even if he was only able to see his brother’s beautiful smile through a screen, so be it, at least he could still see it. If his brother was happy, so was he. No matter how much he hated the idea of his brother loving someone else, the only thing that truly mattered was that Hyunjin was happy.

 

He fixed his hair up a bit from its usual unkempt mess, dark brown locks just flowing every which way. While staring at his reflection to tidy himself up the only thing on his mind was how he would definitely be seeing that smile he loved so much in real life. Just that alone would be enough for him to die happily.

 

Adjusting his tie one more time, he stepped out of his house and locked the door behind him. The sun was beaming brightly, it was weird having to adjust to the outside environment once again after shying away from it so long. Though his eyes burnt slightly he kept reminding himself that this was for his brother. Just a little bit of pain couldn’t possibly kill him. Jeongin hiked over to the driveway and unlocked his car that had been idle for so long. Slamming the door behind him as he got in, he shoved his key in its place and started the engine up. The sound of the engine revving up was one that had become unfamiliar, it startled him quite a bit. For it had been almost an entire year since he last used his car. Hence, it took quite a bit for the car to warm up.

 

The venue where the wedding was being held was about a half hour drive away, give and take with traffic. He brought his hand up to the GPS on his dashboard and brushed away the dust that plastered the screen. Entering the coordinates of the church, he shifted the gear into reverse and began backing out of the driveway. All he needed to do was follow the path the GPS had laid out for him and sooner or later he would arrive. Hopefully he wouldn’t become distracted and miss an exit or something of the sort. The ceremony began at noon and it was currently 10:28am, Jeongin was sure that he would be able to make it on time. Maybe even earlier if he was lucky enough.

 

He carefully read the roads that the navigator told him to take, but he was careless, foot desperately reaching for the brakes as he was met with a sudden red light. His chest collided with the steering wheel. Oh well, what could a few bruises and minor injuries possibly do. As the light turned green he felt a burning sensation in his throat. In an attempt to swallow it down, he gasped at the sandpaper feeling as he forcefully pushed it back down. His mouth felt dry, his tongue numb. He shook his head and refocused his eyes onto the road and navigator. This was nothing, Jeongin was always strong, there wasn’t anything he couldn’t endure. This level of pain was a joke compared to those times he would wind up in the hospital in high school, broken, battered, beaten. Sharp pains jabbed at his chest, but he bit his lip to divert his attention from the burning sensations. Biting down so hard that he could taste the tangy iron flavour of blood on his tongue.

 

Nothing new, the petals always came with a bit of blood. To him, his own blood became an alarmingly familiar taste. He had come to a point where instead of wiping the blood away he’d merely lick the excess off his lips and swallow it back down. But he had to stop thinking about it, he had to focus on where he was going or it would happen again. He probably wasn’t in the right state of mind to be driving, but he didn’t want to risk the awkwardness of an Uber. His thoughts were paused when he made a choking sound. Jeongin couldn’t breathe, but he made an effort to keep steering.

 

For him.

For Hyunjin.

For the man that he loved.

For his soulmate that he couldn’t be with.

 

Everything was red, Jeongin’s grip on the steering wheel loosened, his consciousness fading as well.

 

***

 

“Hey, have you guys seen Jeongin?” Hyunjin was pacing around the venue, as his brother hadn’t shown up yet. He promised to be there, was he really breaking his promise like that? 

 

The phone in his pocket vibrated intensely, it must be him. Without a single thought he takes his phone from his pocket and answers the call.

 

“Hello, is this Hwang Hyunjin?” 

 

It was an unfamiliar voice on the other side of the line.

 

He answered hesitantly “Yes, who is this.”

 

Hyunjin was told that Jeongin was in critical condition and that he was his emergency contact, but he couldn’t just leave his own wedding like that. He asked their mother to go in his stead.

 

So, the wedding went ahead smoothly, but the aching feeling of guilt in the back of his mind remained. Maybe he should’ve gone to his brother, but he knew Jeongin was a fighter.

 

It came to the time to say their vows. When it was his turn to say his he coughed, he saw a single marigold petal in his palm. His eyes widened but he recomposed himself to say the words.

 

“I do.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a hyunin hanahaki au so I whipped this up.


End file.
